tough
(Feeling exhausted at work)

1.) Sleeping: I could not find a comfortable position and I woke up every few minutes to turn over from the left to the right and back again. (And rolling over was no easy feat.) I used a pillow between my knees to keep my hips in alignment but they would still start aching and wake me up. I would also wake up to use the bathroom at least once during the night. Basically, sleeping became my least favorite part of the day.

2.) Sitting at my desk for too long. If I sat still for over 30 min, I was going to pay for it. My hips would ache when I would stand back up and it took a bit of walking to loosen everything back up.

3.) Getting dressed: I continued to outgrow my pregnancy wardrobe week after week and it was frustrating. I got tired of buying more giant clothes, not to mention it was hard to find anything that fit or looked right, anyways. My goal was to always have at least 5 dresses that fit so I could make it to work Mon-Fri.

4.) Waiting: I felt like time was crawling by. It’s not that I was in so much pain or anything, I just wanted to be done with pregnancy and have my sweet baby with me. Each trimester felt like an eternity to me. I think a more reasonable gestation period would be 13-20 weeks. Forget this 40 week thing.

5.) The heat: I am normally cold rather than hot but things definitely started heating up throughout the last 10 weeks of pregnancy. Granted, it was the summer, but I was getting pretty intolerant of being hot. I would get kind of nauseous and light headed if I was outside for too long. But who wants to be cooped up inside all summer?

6.) Watching my body continue to change so drastically and trying to wrap my head around it. Throughout the whole pregnancy, but more so towards the end, it was hard to accept my changing shape. It felt like I had lost control and I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. It helped to remind myself that this was only temporary and to not dwell on thinking about what I looked like. There are plenty of other things to think about, anyways.

7.) Missing my pre-pregnancy life. I miss sleeping in whatever position I want. I miss cuddling up close to my husband. I miss going on long runs and pushing hard in the gym. I miss eating normal things and enjoying it. I miss having a refreshing beer now and then. Of course, growing a baby is totally worth it, but I’m just saying it’s been a while and I could really go for some of those things about now.

8.) Answering the same questions all the time. Everyone has been extremely nice to me throughout my whole pregnancy, but after a while, even the well-meaning comments and questions feel so painfully redundant. I remember one day telling my husband I wish I could wear Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak out in public so no one would comment on my huge belly for once.

9.) Feeling like I don’t have everything ready. It seems like every day I think of something or read about something that I didn’t accomplish yet but should have. The list just keeps growing. Why haven’t I made any freezer meals? Do I know which breast pump I’m going to order as soon as the baby is born? Do I need to have a belly wrap ready for postpartum recovery? Am I mentally prepared for a possible c-section? Ugh, there are endless things to think about.

10.) Watching my due date come and go. I read that it is more common for first time mothers to deliver late but I still unintentionally expected my baby to come early. Sitting at home the weekend before my due date, just waiting for something to happen, was really agonizing. Then, going to work every day after that was more and more discouraging. Where is my baby? Is she even thinking about being born?? It’s starting to feel like the big moment will never come, regardless of how illogical that is, that’s how it feels.