Pre-pregnancy, I pretty much weighed the exact same amount for about 4 years. I don’t weigh myself on a regular basis, but every couple months I might check and it would be like, “yep, still the same”. I think it’s because I have really consistent eating habits and I work out regularly without much drastic variation in my routine. And when I say “consistent” I kind of mean “boring”. I like what I like and I stick with it. I eat wholesome foods during the weekdays and pizza on Fridays plus a beer or two and a few desserts thrown in. It just all balances out week after week.
Cue pregnancy and all that routine went flying out the window. At about 5 or 6 weeks, the bloating was incessant and I was starting to feel pretty nauseous. I definitely recall one night taking a bite of a chip with salsa and thinking, “oh yuck this just doesn’t taste good to me today”. I definitely acknowledged it was me, not the salsa, who had changed. So from then, on, I just ate what sounded good to me and my high protein diet quickly turned into mostly carbs.
I decided to monitor my weight in the beginning and it was kind of shocking to me to see the number creeping up. 1 pound, then 2, then 3, then 4, then 5! What! I hadn’t even seen that number on the scale in a long time and it was very strange to me. Yes, putting on just 5 pounds was crazy to me. That’s how consistent my weight is.
Besides feeling ill that first trimester, I was struggling a bit with this new feeling of fatness. None of my pants would button. Did I really not have wiggle room to accommodate 5 pounds? That hardly seemed fair. Not to mention my boobs were suddenly huge! They grew overnight in week 5 and then grew again in week 12. They were way bigger than I ever imagined. It was just totally weird for me. I couldn’t fit in most of my bras and even my stretchy sports bras were maxed out and getting uncomfortable. (TMI?)
Along with feeling fat, I felt guilty for feeling fat. I kept telling myself that I was being ungrateful for being blessed with a growing child. This amazing thing is happening and all I can think is “woe is me, I feel gross and I’m a whale”. What is wrong with me?
I know I will continue to put on more weight and I will probably laugh when I am in my last trimester reflecting back on how I felt about those first 5 pounds but it can be really confusing and uncomfortable when you feel like your body has been hijacked and you don’t even recognize yourself anymore. That might sound dramatic from an outsider’s perspective, but if you have gone through this, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about!